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Thriving in a Sexualised Culture
Published 18 January 2010
After a Christian friend of mine was divorced some time ago he sought some professional help from a counsellor - a good idea. One of the issues for my friend was that he was missing having sex - the closeness that it brings and the sheer physical enjoyment, and he mentioned this to the counsellor. The counsellor could not see the issue. He just outlined that there were plenty of women out there and just said "Go for it and enjoy". The counsellor had of course missed the point for this particular client.
How does a young man keep his ways pure? The psalmist asked this question in Psalm 119: 9a. Well this could really apply to all ages. Sexual opportunity and temptation is everywhere. It is probably true to say that we live in a heightened age of sexual awareness. While temptation has always been with us, today visual stimulation is more an issue, especially for men. You are in a newsagent or service station and where are the curiously described ‘men's magazines'? Usually on the way in, or in a prominent area, so they are less easily stolen, but also highlighted. When I was in New York earlier in the year, I was amazed to find that in the city's largest DVD and music store, all the x-rated DVDs were in the same area as all the other material - anyone under 18 could easily wonder from family movies to full graphic depiction of any sexual act. Perhaps even more unnerving, was the fact that no-one else in the store seemed to even find this unusual.
Today it appears the proliferation of the DVD, and certainly the internet means that it has become easier and easier to present sex as a never ending package of provocative acts, and to make increasingly make any sexual act seem common place. One of the main arenas for these endless scenarios today is of course the world wide web, and a web it can be, not only fraught with visual but also aural and text stimulation. I have a personal policy of avoiding chat or discussion rooms that are not Church based. You need to be honest to yourself, and of course your partner.
I can say that the solution is to simply avoid internet stimulation, but I know that with any addiction this is difficult for many people, mainly men, though studies are showing women are also influenced. If the internet is a problem for you, install software to help - for example sources like Covenant Eyes have excellent packages. Some men seek professional help, either from Christian groups ministering in these areas, like Living Waters, or Christian counsellors.
Of course, there is nothing new to visual temptation and no-one is immune. One of the significant examples in the bible is King David. He watched Bathsheba and waited and watched, and as we know, his initial visual fascination led to a web of sin, including what would now be regarded as conspiracy to commit murder, resulting in the Lord sending the prophet Nathan to denounce him.
Casual sexual relationships continue to happen among those who serve God. Some start in an innocent way. You may find yourself in a situation where you offer care to another member. Part of our nature as a Christian moves us to be kind, but acts of kindness can easily slip into a kind of relationship - and definitely not a ‘right relationship'. In a much earlier period of my life, I was employed in a government agency in which there where mostly female staff. Nearly all of them had unsatisfactory relationships and because I had occasionally offered a listening ear, it became clear to me that even I could have easily furthered possibilities.
Opportunity can easily lead to action unless you are aware of the temptation and also aware of the nature of sin. As I have become older, oddly enough I am more aware of my sinful nature, but thanks be to God -
"God's Spirit makes us loving, happy, peaceful, patient, kind, good, faithful, gentle, and self-controlled. There is no law against behaving in any of these ways. And because we belong to Christ Jesus, we have killed our selfish feelings and desires. God's Spirit has given us life, and so we should follow the Spirit." (Galatians 5: 22-25, Contemporary English Version)
Peter Bentley
29 October 2008
